


Julia's Eyes

by shonn



Category: Wicked RPF
Genre: F/F, Ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22201825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shonn/pseuds/shonn
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	Julia's Eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rysler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rysler/gifts).



Julia is a New York girl and doesn't mind being reminded of that. It means something to her, gives her a background unique to many in her field. She works where she grew up, roams the same streets and shops the same stores she did as a little girl. Leaving home on tour is almost painful to her because the city's air is in her blood. When she is away, it feels like her veins are being stripped, her life drained from her like a knife has been plunged into her heart. 

But her comfort is the theater. She breathes deeper when she is on stage, when she is surrounded by friends who understand the terms of her work. The theater is where she is happy, but she is honest about it. Though she cares intensely for her fellow actors, they are not her family, which gives her a freedom most of them are lacking.

She has slept with Kendra and with Eden and with Shoshana but never Idina or Kristin. She might if given the chance, but they are always too wrapped up in each other even now when they are apart. Julia has never been in love like that – at least with a person anyway – and never wants to be because she is too afraid of losing what of herself the theater does not already own.

She does not remember who she was before she stepped onto a stage. She does not have the same outlook on fame and fortune as her costars. She barely plays the game they are so good at, and she is pleased she has not fallen into that trap because, unlike them, she would be unable to escape.

Julia is not Kendra, who is layered – seen to be so simple on the outside to be so complicated on the inside. Broadway is where Kendra belongs because she does not belong anywhere else. She is who Julia would want to be if Julia wanted to be anyone but herself.

Julia is not Kristin, who can do anything, stand up against anyone and hold her own. Kristin was born to be a star, whether it is on stage, in television, or at the movies. Hollywood is not her heart but Kristin does not always follow that anyway.

Julia is not Idina, who has so much attitude she cannot allow herself to give up on her dreams. Idina is in theater because she has to be. There is not another place on Earth where she can fit in without compromising who she wants others to think she is.

Julia is not Stephanie or Eden or Shoshana either, who are happy with their lives because they have been told they should be. Singing, cutting CDs, being an understudy, getting married are all things which they have been led to believe are good, but none of them can explain why.

Kendra has her legions of fans, screaming girls who want to be just like her but don't know what that means. Julia has been witness to the rope line waiting for Kendra at the end of a show. It is what Kendra needs in order to appear on stage the next night. Julia just needs the stage.

Idina and Kristin have each other even though they haven't spoken in years. It wasn't their egos which ruined them, as gossips would like to think. It wasn't their affair either because there wasn't one, which is actually the reason they are no longer friends. 

Julia knows better than most what unconsummated love can do to the heart.

She has that kind of love for theater. It gives her everything, yet it also gives her nothing. She is not a Broadway darling. She is not enchanted by the marquees and lights and sparkles. The energy which exists on Broadway is too powered by the glitz and glamour of being there. She does not belittle the experience because every second she is on stage is precious, no matter where it happens. She is alive then, and she knows it, just as she knows she is destined for Hell where there is no stage. No one can experience the orgasmic joy she feels when she's performing and still go to Heaven. But when she's on stage, she doesn't care. A song, a dance, bright lights, and an audience are always waiting for her in New York, so what can Heaven offer her that she doesn't already have?


End file.
